Birthdays have always been a big deal with me. As a kid when the rest of the world celebrated to welcome a new year on 31st December, I would be thrilled to bits for another reason entirely. For me, it meant the beginning of January, the month of my birthday.
I remember January being the happiest month of the year for me, each year, without fail. I would wake up each morning with a big smile on my face, a smile that came straight from the heart. Each day brought me close to that magical day of my birth- The 19th of Jan. My mum added to the aura of January by claiming that the month is always lucky for Dad. I was quick to believe this. I am his lucky charm after all :-)
Needless to say a big celebration was a given. I would spend the days leading up to the big day buying clothes, shoes and other accessories. A guest list would be drawn up. The same would be discussed and debated with close friends. Food, beverage, decoration and of course the cake would be carefully chosen.
I remember those parties. I was a princess hosting her ball. Full of moments of unbridled happiness. As I grew, the nature of the celebration changed. But first my parents then N always made sure that my special day was extra special.
This year is a little different.
My parents have been travelling for 3 weeks. They left Appu, the house and the company in my care. I promised to hold fort while they were away. All I asked for in return was they be back before the 19th so I can be free of my responsibilities and can enjoy my birthday. They promised. N offered to take me on any holiday I desired as a birthday gift. I wanted to spend the day at a beautiful beach resort. Feel the sand beneath my feet, wind in my hair etc. I was looking forward to the perfect holiday.
This morning I found out that they will not make it in time. I felt my heart sink. For the first time in my life, my birthday will be an ordinary day. I will take care of mundane chores, go to work, deal with the same things and then the day will end. Just like any other day.
I was angry, hurt. Of all people my parents know how much this means to me. I had no words.
I sat curled up in bed feeling every negative emotion in the book. I wanted to call mum and give her an earful. How could they be so callous with my feelings for their selfish reasons?
Some instinct stopped me. I took a deep breath. Clarity came rushing in. My head was suddenly filled with so many reasons to be grateful. I realized that I was being brat. That I get away with it simply because the people in my life are too indulgent.
I thought I should list out some of those reasons to be grateful, so I can go through them whenever ‘The Brat’ resurfaces. Here goes:
1. I have never been raped. I’ve recently realized that this is something to be really grateful for. Infact I’ve never been the victim of any hate crime.
2. My parents have never verbally or physically abused me.
3. My parents did not sell me or send me off to make a living as a child
4. My parents loved me, nurtured me and provided me with a safe environment.
5. My husband has never verbally or physically abused me.
6. My husband does not think a wife equals free maid servant/sex slave.
7. I have an education.
8. I work outside of home and I am financially independent.
9. I have opinions and I express them without fear.
There are more reasons why I am lucky. More reasons than I can count. But just these few that I take for granted every day make me one of the luckiest women in the country.
Women in this country are denied basic human rights and dignity every minute of every day. They are crushed physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually. Being used and discarded is a daily reality for so many women. In this country, even today, women are not considered human beings who deserve to be treated with compassion and respect.
This year on my birthday, I will send out a silent prayer that some woman, somewhere is released from her private hell.
And yes, I will remember to be grateful.
